Approving Humility

I'm back! :)

It has almost been a whole year since I've posted on this blog.  There are a number of reasons that I could share with you as to why I haven't written for so long.  The truth is, I've been growing.  Walking through my "wilderness"...suffering through some growing pains...experiencing a metamorphosis.  I know it sounds cliche.  Everyone goes through times like this, right?  Without a doubt...

I suppose this blog has always been a place where I wanted to be purely myself.  No image to maintain...no expectations to live up to...no "approval seeking."  There is that word.  APPROVAL.  I have realized that I have a tendency to be addicted to approval.  I always have been; ever since I can remember my first memory.  This addiction was veiled by good intentions of making people around me happy.  This worked for me for about 35 years.  However, it caught up to me...and overtook me in ways I could have never prepared to face.  Things that aren't of God tend to do that.  I did a pretty darn good job of using this addiction to my benefit.  My life is a succession of positive growth, promotion, and divinely orchestrated God Moments.  I do not say this boastfully.  Forgive me, if it sounded that way.  I'm just saying that God has been patient with me and has blessed my life despite my sin.

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God?  Or am I trying to please men?  If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.  

Galatians 1:10

I wonder how many times I have read that verse in my life?  Many times, I'm certain.  It never occurred to me that I spent most of my time and energy trying to please men.  I convinced myself that I was more committed to pleasing God and serving Him, than trying to please people.  I'm sure you've heard the saying, "The Truth shall set you free."  Well, there is nothing more true than that!  God was able to finally show me the error of my ways...as subtle as I had made them.  My thought-life and my walk with Christ has changed dramatically in the last few months!  I am no longer in bondage to people's opinion of me.  More importantly, I am no longer a prisoner to my opinion of myself.  We are truly our own worst critic.  This is a journey and a process. 

When the New Year rang in for 2012, I was asking God to give me a word to use as a guide for the coming year.  The word humility kept resounding in my spirit.  Humility?  Am I too proud?  Am I conceited?  Am I self-absorbed?  Perhaps I was.  But that is not why God assigned that word to me.  He wants to show me how to be humble and what humility means to Him.  Here's what I have discovered thus far...

Humility is not having an opinion of myself.

I know, I know...it sounds self-deprecating.  I thought so, too.  But as I stuck with Him and searched for the lesson He was trying to teach me, I realized what this meant.  It does not mean that I don't value myself or my gifts.  It means I don't have to be my own critic anymore.  It means I don't have to puff up my own pride to feel good about myself.  It means I don't have to seek the approval of others in order to gain a sense of appreciation or acceptance.  It means I don't have to be perfect!  It means I can simply rest in what GOD thinks of me.  That is all that matters, isn't it?

If my life and my actions line up with what God has instilled in me, than people around me will be blessed.  When people judge my actions, it won't sting as bad...because I don't have an opinion of myself!  My opinion is becoming God's opinion of me.  I don't have to work so hard at upholding an image I thought was authentic, wincing with pain every time I didn't live up to an expectation.  There is a soul shaking freedom in turning my attention off of myself and others and onto my Father in heaven!  All this time, that is all God wanted of me...my attention.  He desperately wanted me to know that He delighted in me!  His love for me goes beyond what my finite, human mind can comprehend.  I find comfort in that.  He finds pleasure in me because He created every nuance of my being (Ps 149:4).  Do you know how refreshing it is to just be what God created me to be???  I pray that you do.  I may have had to travel down some long and twisting roads to get to where I am today.  I'm grateful.  God is good...and he thinks I'm pretty darn good, too! :)

I thought this was a great illustration!
Just when you think you're humble...you realize the IRONY! :)